Social skills

Life would be dull if everyone we knew saw the world as we do, and agreed with everything we think. Differences are what make life interesting. They can also cause misunderstanding and disputes and hurt feelings.

Here are a few ideas and tips to turn arguments and disagreements into agreements :

• Try to focus on what you need to reach an agreement and maintain the relationship, instead of focussing on what you are disagreeing about.
• Try to concentrate on your similarities, instead of your differences.
• Try to focus on moving towards a joint understanding and on what you need to do to prevent the problem or misunderstanding from occurring again.
• Try to set your sights or goal on something that both of you want, so instead of arguing, you will be searching together for a common goal or something you both want.

If having a good relationship is more important than being right, it’s worth spending a bit of time looking for common ground. Together you can get more done, and more pleasantly.

Every family has struggles and various challenges. People who are happiest with their family life, have not got it because of luck – they’ve chosen to focus on the things they find satisfying.

Every day of a family’s existence, you will find something that would bother you and something that would delight you. Try and focus on the positive things around you, the experiences and situations that make you happy, and I can assure you that you will have the strength and the mindset to face and go through challenges.

The key to assertiveness is being polite, direct, clear and non-attacking. It means standing up for your rights, feelings, beliefs and needs while also respecting those of the other person. This is different from aggression, meanness or being pushy.

Assertiveness isn’t about you being right and everyone else being wrong. Holding your ground “is about respecting yourself enough to make your ideas heard while also respecting the person you’re talking to.”

Assertiveness is a respectful form of communication that provides another person with a clear and an unambiguous message about where you stand.

Posture also plays a very important role when you want to be assertive – A straight posture, eye contact, speaking neither too softly nor too loud, feelings kept calm and an air of confidence even if you might not feel it inside, sends the right signals.

Effective assertion statements should be quite short and as clear as possible.

Take time to learn the ways that work well for you and try and practice different scenarios. Perhaps role-play with a friend or by yourself in front of a mirror. Look at situations where you do (or did) not stand up for yourself and formulate an assertion statement you could have used. Make sure you are familiar with standing your ground when your boundaries are violated!

Discernment is the first step in assertiveness. Don’t engage in a confrontation when you are hungry – for food, or deprived of sleep or in a need for approval. “Do a self-check of where you are emotionally because if you’re feeling particularly down or bad, it could cloud your ability to respond well to the other person.”

Making calm focused breathing a habit throughout the day — every day gives you capacity to absorb any blows that come your way.

Speak clearly. In a heated moment, your throat may tighten or tongue feel thick. First, breathe, as noted above, and then remember that you don’t need to say much. “You just need to say what you feel needs to be said. Take a deep breath and get the words out as clearly as you can.

If someone comes at you with strong emotion, surprise them by agreeing, even if they are criticizing you. You disarm the other person with your agreement, giving them less ammunition to hurt you emotionally and establishing your strength. Once the temperature falls a bit, you can address whatever real issues are at play.

With practice, you will come to know that your assertiveness is grounded in confidence, accuracy, and respect. 

• Offer your undivided attention to each other.
• Some relationships “think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity”
• Quality conversation is a necessity
• Quality dialog is when “two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, and uninterrupted context”
• Quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing but on why you are doing it.

Let’s first of all, realise the need for values in our life. Man needs definite values by which to live and regulate his life. He needs them to keep life from being side-tracked by the many temptations and from being overrun by the constant threats to mortality. A life with no values is an open prey to destructive influences and meaningless ideas. Such a life often leads to failure and rarely to success.

Values in life help to establish priorities and make us conscious of the important and worthwhile things in life. In today’s modernization people tend to worship wealth and respect those who possess it. A well to do man commands more respect and exercises more power in the society.

Today we are afraid of the simple words like goodness, mercy, and kindness. We feel that honesty and frankness make us vulnerable. That is why the world is so sick. To heal this sick world we have to apply the balm of values. We have to inculcate the right values from a very young age.

We should realise that real dignity of a man lies not in what he has alone, but in what he is.

Our values are important because they help us to grow and develop. They help us to create the future we want to experience. They determine our priorities, and, deep down, they’re probably the measures we use to tell if our life is turning out the way you want it to.